My girls have the most wonderful habits: when my 4 year old makes a new friend at the park, she runs them over to me and proudly proclaims, "That's my mom!" My 8 month old greets me by smiling her biggest smile and kicking her feet really hard.
I feel like a very important Somebody to them.
As a Somebody, I walk into a room and my family is happy to see me. I say something like, "Turn the TV down, please," and while there may be grumbling or protests about it, it gets done.
I am visible.
It all makes sense! I devote all of my love and energy into creating a peaceful, happy home. My very hard work is beginning to pay off in the form of a 4 year old who knows that I mean what I say, whether that's "I love you" or "It's time to get ready for bed" and husband who makes me a cup of coffee every morning. I feel seen and respected. Mostly, I feel loved.
Obviously not every moment is pure familial bliss and joy. Certainly there are moments that feel super tough and unforgiving. But they are few, far between, and we all recover from them. We are a unit who works together through these bumpy, bruise-y moments.
Somedays I am a pair of hands, asked to do tasks. "Yes, I can fix that." "Yes, I can tie that." "Yes, I can open this."
Somedays I am a clock. "You can play for another 10 minutes."
Somedays I'm a crystal ball. "Yes, I do know where you can find your favorite rock."
Hands, a clock, a crystal ball - and always visible.
Earlier this week I read a blog post about a mom who feels invisible. She is comforted by the fact that God sees her work and is pleased. That is a wonderful, fulfilling experience: feeling aligned to the god of your heart and knowing that you are doing the work of the Creative. There are endless blessings that come with that soul satisfying work and no accolades are required. This is the beauty of Motherhood.
This writer takes great comfort in knowing that she is aligned and using her talents to the best of her ability. Wonderful. If only every person could be so fortunate! But she doesn't feel that she has the attention and respect of her family and is allowing this to be good enough. This is a trap of Motherhood.
She writes, "When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My mom gets up at four in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand-bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I’d built a monument to myself! But I don’t want that—I just want him to want to come home with a friend and share a wonderful meal as a family. "
I must suggest a different perspective: When I really think about it, I want my daughter to tell the friend she's bringing home from college, "My mom preps food all week so that she can cook for us for the whole day. The linens might not be pressed and beautiful but we will dance and laugh together." That would mean that I've created a home that my children love. A place where they feel loved and relaxed. I would have built a cathedral to my family where we can gather and rest and work and celebrate with a sense of Divine Love together.
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot do it alone though. All members of the congregation must use their Divine Blessings to make it as beautiful and holy as we can. One day, it is very possible that the world will marvel at what our family has built and the beauty it has added to the world by the talents and gifts of Visible Mothers.
You deserve to be seen.
Yoga Teacher. Thinker of things.
Sometimes I just need to empty the contents of my brain into words.